I know I've used the two creators of Home Town as touchpoints for what I call 'light bulb' moments before and gosh darn it if they haven't done it again. I follow both Erin and Ben Napier on social media and I love them so much. I know that there's no such thing as a perfect marriage when you have two imperfect people in it, but from the outside looking in, they seem pretty solid. They seem to support one another and their personalities and strengths really compliment each other.
The couple just welcomed their second daughter last week or so ago and by they looks of her most recent social media post since she mentioned the word surgery, I assumed that she probably had a c-section, or possibly an episiotomy. Those c-sections are tough to recover from. I would know because I had three of them. They were each different in their own right, but they were all difficult to heal from because of the needs that the baby has and the needs that you have, etc. Her post brought back a flood of memories from what I dealt with and it reminded me some of what I was missing in a spouse. Her post had a picture of Ben giving their new baby a bottle and her caption under the sweet photo read like this:
"If he's not scooping me up off the sofa as I'm still recovering from surgery, he's mixing a bottle or taking Helen swimming. And I have kissed him every time he's in arm's reach because I know exactly how lucky we all are. A reminder for those with spouses: tell them often--"thank you for everything you do for us." and MEAN IT."
I sat there and stared at my phone screen and I started to cry. Why? For a couple of reasons and I'll get into them in more detail in a minute. First, because of all the feels. The fact that she has a husband who is willing to 'scoop her off the sofa'?!? I mean, what woman doesn't want to be scooped off the sofa? Sign me up for that! And that she is being so well taken care of by her sweet husband is just so wonderful. It's such a beautiful picture of how a marriage is supposed to be. To serve and to be served, but mostly to serve. That's what is so precious about this picture of the two of them. I could go on and on.
Now, to the sad part of what made me cry. I never had that when I had babies. He helped me when I needed it, but there was no emotion in it except for frustration on his part. Plus, I was so codependent on him that I couldn't function without him telling me what to do. However, even with all of that 'hand holding', my ex husband didn't understand the nature of a woman at all. I think women are still a mystery to him at times. After reading the caption of the photo, I finally figured out why he never 'scooped me up' off the couch or really gave me the emotional support I needed during those times after having babies or any of the other stuff is because of the fact that a narcissist doesn't have an empathetic bone in their body. To identify and sympathize with a weakness means that they would be admitting that they, too, have weaknesses and they can't admit that. That would expose themselves to the world and they can't have that. They can't let their mask slip off and show the world who they really are.
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