Ladies, Keep Having Sex With Your Husbands

I wrote a post about sex in marriage and a lot of you read it, so thank you for that.  However, after reading it over and over and internalizing and almost memorizing the article which is something I do on a post that I'm super proud of, I started thinking about a few things I may have forgotten to include that didn't really flow with the tone of the first post.  

First, I want to talk about the general differences between the sex drive of men and women.  There are exceptions to every rule and sometimes men are less sexually driven than their wives even though we often think of it the other way around.  Men generally do want sex more than women, it's just the reality of the situation and the way that men and women are created.  There's nothing wrong with either situation.  That's the main point that I want to communicate; there's nothing wrong with either of you, period.  So, if your man wants sex nearly every day, there's nothing wrong with him.  If your woman doesn't want sex every day, there's nothing wrong with her.  There has to be a level of communication and acceptance with the different roles that men and women assume in a marriage relationship as it pertains to the bedroom.  One other thing about frequency of sex; there are no set rules as to how many times a week you should be having sex.  You get to determine that between the two of you and that is a really beautiful thing.

Just as I said, the desired frequency will differ for every one, so I'm looking at the guys now.  Men, give your woman room to say 'no' to your advances every once in a while.  That way, they don't feel guilty for saying 'no'.  Just like there's no crying in baseball, there's no pouting when your woman says 'no' to you.  Accept the answer and give her a back rub or offer to do some other little small something instead of having sex so that the two of you can spend some quality time together.  I'd also like to encourage the women to initiate intimacy every now and again.  Men love it when you take the reins and start showing interest in having sex with them.  Same goes for you, too.  No pouting or crying if they don't want to 'do it' when you ask.

There might be a solution for this conflict that often occurs, and that is scheduling time for intimacy.  This was something that I frowned on because I loved the idea of being spontaneous and felt like a curmudgeon if I had to put 'sex' on the calendar.  I was probably wrong to feel this way.  It might have actually been freeing to do that so it was already set that it was going to happen and you could use some to time to mentally prepare for it.  Sometimes that's necessary for women, at least it was for me, to get mentally ready for sex beforehand.

Ladies, PARTICIPATE in the act of love making.  No man wants to make love to a rag doll.  Thoughts of kids, laundry and housework are NOT allowed into the bedroom during sex (or whichever room in the house or the car or wherever you might be having sex) with your partner!  Focus on the pleasure and allow yourself to let go and meet your partner right where he's touching you.  Make noise!  Make eye contact!  Communicate what you want!  You don't have to try and wake the neighbors, but if you want to, then go for it!  Be in the moment.  House doesn't have to be perfectly clean.  Laundry doesn't have to be done.  Kids don't necessarily need to be in bed, but whatever your preference is.  What I'm saying is, don't wait for the perfect moment to have sex because it will never, excuse the pun, come.  

Guys, as I mentioned in the first blog for the ladies to be sensitive to your feelings when making critiques of things that happen in the bedroom, I know that there are things that we women could improve on as well.  Don't blurt it out or fuss at us while we're in the middle of things.  Wait until there's time set aside and have the discussion.  If necessary, use alcohol prior to said conversation.

There's one other thing that I feel needs to be thrown in there and I know that you're going to roll your eyes when you hear it, but find out what your love language is and what love language your spouse identifies with.  It will be super helpful because what your husband thinks your love language is and what it actually is could be two totally different things.  Same for the wives.  Then you'll be able to speak the same 'language' and hopefully have a more successful sex life and marriage to boot.

This next tip has nothing to do with sex, although almost everything we do in marriage has to do with sex when you think about it.  Do me a favor and look for the good.  Open your eyes to the good in each other because it's so easy to look for the bad.  Usually what you look for is what you'll find.  Don't assume anything, but if you are going to assume, make sure you assume the best about your partner.  You'd like for them to assume the best about you, right?  You'd like for them to see the good in you, so why not try it for them?  When your spouse does something nice for you, write it down or commemorate it mentally or verbally thank them for it.  The small things add up to the big things.  

I know I've said a lot in this blog post and the last one about sex, but I really feel that it boils down to this; it's all mental.  There's a level of self-acceptance that needs to happen first before any of the other things I've written about can happen.  If you don't love yourself or even like yourself, how can you expect to love anyone else?  Do some daily affirmations or devotions and remember that if the God of creation is crazy in love with you, what's stopping you from being in love with yourself?  

Every Sunday I Get My Heart Broken

I got my heart broken at church on Sunday.  I get my heart broken at church almost every Sunday when I go.  It's not what you'd think that would break my heart, though, sometimes it is.  Most of the time it's this: I'm divorced and my ex husband and my kids go to the same church as I do.  On the weekends when I have the kids, it's great.  We sit together and love on each other and sing worship songs together.  It's really a treat.  On the weekends that they stay with their dad...it's pretty terrible.  The two younger boys come sit with me and my oldest son stays with his dad.  We essentially live separate lives now and it hurts every time there's a reminder of the separation.

Then, we leave church.  They go home with their dad and my tears start flowing.  Not every time, but almost.  Then the realization of what our marriage counselor warned us about comes to the forefront of my mind and I cry harder.  She told us that divorce was just trading one set of problems for another.  She was right.  She warned my ex husband about how he wouldn't be there to tuck the kids in at night anymore because he wouldn't be at home.  She warned me about not really being 'free' from my ex husband which is what I wanted more than anything during our counseling sessions.  She was right about all of it.

The other part of this that's so heartbreaking is that no matter what I do or say or how healthy I am as an individual, my ex husband will never change.  I will never have the marriage I dreamed of as a young bride with my new spouse because of his narcissistic tendencies.  Our union will never be an emotionally healthy one and we prove it each time we try and have a discussion or a conversation about anything as it relates to the kids or with, dun-dun-dun; MONEY.  Those two topics are nearly as hotly contested as the topic of who was to blame for the demise of our relationship.  I'm pretty sure you can guess he expects me to shoulder the blame for that.  

I did do that for a long time, though.  I blamed myself for everything and took responsibility for everything and apologized for, yep, EVERYTHING.  When I met my previous therapist, she said her first order of business, or one of the first, was to eliminate the words, 'I'm sorry' from my vocabulary.  It's true.  And I rarely use those words anymore.  I might say, 'I apologize', or 'my mistake' or something along those lines, but nearly never say 'I'm sorry' anymore.  It does make a difference, you know.  It helps with self esteem issues because to me, I'm essentially saying that I'm sorry.  I'm a sorry individual, and that's not true.  But I digress.

I do know this; I know that divorce hurts.  It hurts everyone involved and it's not something I set out to do.  Never thought I'd say the words, 'I'm divorced', or 'my ex husband'.  Never.  Life doesn't always turn out the way that you expect it will, though.  I wanted God to heal my marriage for the longest time, but it takes two people, two healthy people, to heal a marriage with God's help.  There was only one of us who wanted to make it happen; me.  

If you are married, with or without kids, I implore you to try and stay married.  The alternative is not good. Measure your heart; not your spouses because no one can.  Find counseling help if it's needed.  Try to stay consistent with your relationship as much as possible.  I know things fall by the wayside because, well, because life happens.  Get back up and try again.  Forgive your spouse and forgive yourself.  Let grace abound.  Channel the love from the Lord that you have and let it flow through you to your family.  You won't regret it, no matter what.

Ladies, Have Sex With Your Husbands

Ladies, this post is for you.  I know that this may be a little bit forward of me, but I feel that it's necessary to post.  

Have sex with your husbands.  

Yep, there it is.  Now, you may be reeling from that a little bit, but the man in your life wants to have sex with...YOU.  Men need sex to feel connected to their wife.  They need physical touch and affirmation from you.  Did you know that God created sex for our pleasure? Sex is not dirty or wrong or bad; it's meant to be had within the confines of a marriage.

Plenty has been done by the enemy to pervert the act of sex.  Matter of fact, every good and perfect thing that God created, Satan has perverted.  Drugs are meant for healing our bodies, but people 'abuse' drugs, thereby perverting the goodness of the medicine in which God intended it for.  Same with sex.  Sex was meant to be enjoyed by a man and a woman within the confines of a marriage.  Not to be perverted by sleeping with someone you're not married to or sleeping with your neighbor's spouse.  Or to watch pornography instead of laying with your spouse.  That was never God's design for us.

God's design was that a man would leave his mother and father and that the two shall become one flesh.  That's right.  Penis inserted into vagina type of one flesh.  There are other ways to become one flesh, but this is a post about sex, so, I went there first.  It also says in the Bible that we shouldn't deny each other access to our bodies.  So, ladies, none of this, I'm too tired or I have a headache.  Guys, you either.  This physical connection that your husband desires is critical to the health of your marriage.  You can't have a healthy marriage without it!  

Now, conversely, the marriage CANNOT be all about sex!  This is for the guys, now; your wife craves emotional satisfaction and emotional security.  If you can't give that to her, then she is less likely to give herself to you.  As my therapist used to say, "if you want good loving at night, you better start in the morning."  Ladies are most like a crockpot, guys.  We need to be warmed up throughout the day.  Foreplay is more than just a physical act because women are cerebral.  Again, back to the emotional security and satisfaction.  Give her a kiss good morning and tell her she's beautiful even if she has morning breath.  (Or whatever it is that works for you) That's sure to start things off on the right foot.

Ladies, accept the compliment!  Don't dismiss it by saying, (or thinking) "My hair is a mess and my breath is awful!  How can I be beautiful?!?"  Now, it's your turn to reciprocate.  Tell him something equally kind or maybe amp it up and say something a little bit suggestive.  He will be intrigued, I assure you.  Keep the flirtation up throughout the day.  Do it for each other, not just so one of you will feel gratified because it's about both of your physical and emotional satisfaction.

Ladies, TELL YOUR HUSBAND WHAT YOU LIKE!  It may be hard or awkward, but men by and large want to please you!  I mean, if you're faking your way through it and would like to reach a real, actual pinnacle, you've got to speak up!  If he asks you to do something you're not comfortable doing, speak up about that, too.  Be gentle with any criticisms, though, and don't do it while you're in the middle of the act.  Find time to set aside to discuss this topic when you're relaxed or maybe have had a few drinks to take the edge off.  Sometimes that's necessary and perfectly fine, by the way.  

One more for the ladies and then I'll stop picking on you; your man loves you just the way you are, stretch marks and all.  Do you have breasts?  Yep.  Do you have an ass?  Yep.  Do you have a vagina?  Yep.  Looks like you're all set to go!  Do you have the perfect body?  Nope.  Do you have beautifully perky breasts?  Nope.  Do you have a tight, perky ass?  Nope.  That's OKAY!  Your man loves you just the way you are, so stop second guessing yourself and insisting that the lights are always off.  Surprise him and leave the lights on!  Wear something sexy to bed!  He loves the way you look!  And if he doesn't, he's a selfish asshole and he might need to do a little soul searching of his own.

Guys, make sure that your wife knows that she is the star of the show.  Period.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try to incorporate pornography into the bedroom.  It should always be about your wife.  Caress her and stroke her hair and tell her you love her and that she's beautiful.  That stuff works!  It may seem cheesy, but if you are in the habit of doing that outside the bedroom and she enjoys it, then incorporate it in the bedroom.  It's called 'making love' for a reason, ya know.

Look, I realize that every situation and every couple is different.  These are simply suggestions and I'm not a licensed therapist.  A lot of the stuff I'm putting down here is stuff that would have helped me with my marriage, honestly.  Also some of the things I'm saying NOT to do is some of what transpired over the course of my marriage that hindered us from having a healthy sex life.  These posts are very personal and I hope you'll appreciate that I'm coming from a genuine place of concern for the well being of the covenant of marriage, because y'all need you some Jesus and probably some sex, too!

Be Doers and Not Just Hearers

 As I've been going through this divorce and spending time alone on the weekends, I've found out some things about myself that I didn't know before: I really like spending time alone!   I'm not intimidated by going to restaurants alone anymore.  I take a book and get cozy in the back corner booth and eat my food and enjoy my book.  

I also enjoy lighting candles and arranging flowers while listening to music.  I knew these things about myself already, but these are things that I wasn't really able to do while married because the candles gave off scents and my ex husband didn't like the smell of candles.  Lighting candles really set the mood for my activities and listening to music keeps my mind occupied.  My mind is occupied with healthy thoughts and peace, which is kind of new for me.

I also feel warm and fuzzy on the inside most of the time.  I know that sounds weird, but I feel so safe and at peace and I wish I could share that feeling with everyone around me.  This is the only way I know how to share it is through written word.  I just love God and myself and my kids and family and all of those around me.  My house feels like a safe haven and I'm so thankful for that.  I really like myself now.  I have been working on myself for a while now, mentally and physically.  

I like to think that I'm in detox mode.  My mind and my spirit and my soul are detoxing from all of the narcissism that was so prevalent in my married life.  It's sad because I do really still care for my ex husband and in all honesty, I feel sorry for him that he will never know what true love feels like.  I wrote this journal entry as a kind of letter to him although I won't let him read it, this is what it says:

    "At some point in your life someone hurt you and that caused you to feel like you had to build a wall around your heart.  It also caused you to want to try and control all of your world in order to feel safe and you got used to that way of life.  There was no way for me to know that before we got married.  You continued that way of life into our marriage and even now that is still how you do things.  Your parents stunted your emotional growth as a child and I am heart broken for you.  Now it's up to you to pick up the broken pieces of your childhood and find peace in the future."

Now, will that happen?  As much as I'd like for it to, no, it won't.  My ex husband will never find peace or love or acceptance.  Do you know why?  Narcissists or people with narcissistic tendencies don't love themselves. They present a different side to the world, though.  They act super confident when deep inside they don't think that they are worthy or loveable.  It kind of reminds me of a scripture verse found in the book of James.  It goes like this: "Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."-James 1:23-24

The reason that makes me think of a narcissist is because that's essentially what they do.  In my opinion, if they could accept the love of Christ in a real, tangible way that they wouldn't feel unloved and unworthy.  They wouldn't stay in that state and thereby treat others with disdain and contempt.  They would be able to celebrate the successes of others without feeling threatened and they would know that they are worthy of the sacrifice God made by sending his only son to die for our sins on the cross.

Sometimes it's not only narcissists who feel this way, though.  I think from time to time we can all feel less than worthy of the cross or we can allow ourselves to do some 'stinking thinking' that will allow us to wallow in self pity.  The difference between a narcissist and the rest of us is that we've made that intimate connection with Jesus to know that we can shake off the mistakes of the past and accept forgiveness with open arms.  And all of God's children say, "Amen."

Adulting IS Hard

They say that adulting is hard.  Who is 'they', anyway?  I don't know if we'll ever know the answer to that, but it still stands that being an adult is hard.  What does it mean to be an adult?  Well, beyond the physical actions that you see adults engaging in such as working a full-time job, paying bills and balancing a budget/checkbook, there's an emotional aspect that comes with being an adult as well. Like????

Well, generally adults don't throw temper tantrums.  (I'm looking at you, Occupy Movement.)  There's this little thing called self-control and as an adult, if you want to be successful, you have to build that self-control muscle.  I could even go so far as to say it's called self-control for a reason and not 'others-control' because you are the only person on this planet that you can control.  Remember that.  Others will do things you don't like, but it's up to you to handle your own emotions and deal with them wisely.  That looks different for everyone I'm sure, however, if  you want to live at the mercy of others, by all means, ride every wave of feelings that comes into your head.  Let me know how that works for you.

You are responsible for your own happiness.  Period.  There isn't one other person on this planet now or previously that is or was responsible for your happiness.  No one can make you 'feel' a certain way.  You allow it or you don't.  So, you have to be careful on that front, too.  You could say that your partner or spouse makes you 'feel so good'.  That's only because you accept their behavior and process it as good.  On the other hand, you could say that your partner or spouse makes you 'feel so bad'.  That's because of the way you process it.  Now, there are people out there with abusive behaviors, but that's a different topic for a different day.

Adulting means that we have needs and we are aware of who can meet them.  We have emotional needs, physical needs, and spiritual needs.  Some of those needs others can meet, some of which we have to meet on our own.  For example, you feed yourself, right?  You shop for, prepare and cook food to physically feed your body.  However, you cannot hug yourself.  Only others can do that.  Some emotional needs that we have can be met by ourselves.  There's a constant internal conversation that we have with ourselves.  I think that is where we have the ability to turn it around for ourselves emotionally.  Training the internal voice and tweaking the conversation that we hold is major.  In the spiritual department, we all have a need for God.  There's a God shaped hole in our hearts and minds that only God can fill.  When we realize that we have to take up our cross and work out our OWN salvation, that's when we can start to work with God to fill that hole.  Nobody here on earth can do that for you.  Pastors and priests and clergy can point you to God, but they are not God themselves.  

Here's where I think a lot of relationships go bad.  Marriages, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, parent/child relationships, etc. all start to fail when we start to put the needs that we can meet for ourselves and the ones that only God can meet onto others.  Doing so is a recipe for disaster.  These become an unrealistic expectation in a relationship, which furthers the recipe for disaster.  There are other expectations that become unrealistic as well; unspoken expectations.  When we don't ask for what we want or need, things can definitely start to go sideways.  There are also some caveats to this scenario, but that is also another topic for another day.

If you're in a relationship with any of these tendencies on your part or the part of your partner, it's not too late to change these.  It's going to take some work, but depending on the situation, it might be worth it to put in the work to reverse these bad behaviors.  Again, you are responsible for YOUR behaviors and working on yourself.  You should not accept responsibility for anyone else even if they insist that you are the person solely responsible for their happiness.  That's a red flag and it might be time to reevaluate things.  

So, yes, being an adult is hard because not only do you have the physical, outward responsibilities to take care of, you have the responsibility to keep your emotional health in check, and only YOU can do that for yourself.  I feel like Smokey the Bear, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires.", except it should be a different tagline of, "Only YOU can prevent emotional self-destruction.".  Or something.  

  

Be The Spark

Hello, readers!  It's been a while since I've posted anything here on the Jesus blog.  If you're a Facebook friend of mine, you probably know the big reason that I've gone radio silent is because I'm getting a divorce.  My twenty-three year marriage has come to an end and it has been devastatingly sad.  I sometimes am so sad I can't think straight and I'm not exaggerating.  You know, it's in times like these, during great loss, whether it be through death or a divorce or some other catastrophic event in ones life, you find yourself (or others) doing things differently or perhaps doing something you never thought you might.  

Everyone copes or handles their grief in various ways.  Some people want to be left alone, some people eat their feelings, some people want to be surrounded with friends to help them grieve, some people turn to God to deepen their faith and some develop hobbies or throw themselves into work.  Some people drink or turn to drugs to cope, you get the idea.  I've probably done a little of all of those, except for the drugs part save for a few Advil here and there.  That, my friends, brings me to where I am today to write this particular post for your reading pleasure.

I've been working hard or harder than before at discipling my kids.  I thought I was pretty good at it, but looking back, I'm not so sure I was.  Until this year when I made a conscious decision to sit down with the kids every night to read the Bible and pray with them.  It's a work in progress, but it's a good start, if I do say so myself.  We've had fits and starts and some days when we haven't sat down and read together, but when we miss a day, we just do it the next day.  No big deal.  

I went to church on Sunday and listened to the message.  I almost always listen to the message unless I'm distracted by my own thoughts, but this Sunday, my mind was quiet and I was paying attention to Pastor Bailiff.  He came up with this amazing but simple concept for our lesson and it was titled, "The Mind of Christ."  I have to tell you, it was profound because it was foundational.  It was so basic, but it was like he was giving me the building blocks to a foundation for a solid relationship with Jesus.  I was so glad that I was there for it.

The first principle was that the mind of Christ is a pursuit.  You have to take action if you want a relationship with Christ.  The first step is to make a profession of faith, but you have to take up your cross daily and work on that relationship.  

Second principle was that the mind of Christ is a choice.  He cited Colossians 3:1-2 that says, "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

Last principle is that the mind of Christ is a transformation.  Romans 12: 1-2 is our reference point for this and it reads, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will."

This was a huge jumping off point for me to dive into the Word of God with my kids and a starting point to kind of overhaul our original approach to studying the Bible together.  I hope that this serves as an encouragement to you to start something wonderful with your family as well.  Be the spark.   

What's Love Got to do With it?

Today something hit me really hard between the eyes. I think it may have been love. Can love hit you between the eyes? I heard these words in my head, “Love is daring greatly”. I really believe that. When we open ourselves up to others in love, we are taking a chance. We are daring greatly.

For example, when we are dating someone and we feel the urge to say those three little words we all long to hear, sometimes we hold back. What’s the reason? What holds us back? I’ll tell you what holds us back; fear. Fear of rejection more specifically. However, when we do find the courage to muster up the words, it feels like time stands still a little bit. What's the reason? You’re waiting to hear them said to you in return usually. It doesn’t matter, though really what the other person says back to you because you dared greatly.

It says in 1 John 4:16-19, “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in Him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”

Perfect love drives out fear. What does that have to do with daring greatly? Everything, actually. What I am sure of is that God is perfect and His will for us is to abide in His perfect love. Therefore, if you're abiding in his love, then you should have nothing to fear. No matter the circumstances of the world around us. No matter the pain or heartache you may be experiencing. No matter if you have a job or not. No matter if you’re married or divorced or single.

Even though we aren’t perfect, his power is made perfect in our weakness. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 Jesus tells us, “...My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Now I get it when Apostle Paul says that, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

What if we made mistakes because we weren’t secure in who we were in God? What if we weren’t allowing the Holy Spirit to dwell in us because we were filled with fear and other things that made it impossible for the Spirit to reside and dwell and flow through you? What if we trusted God completely and totally and humbly through EVERYTHING? How much better off would we be? What if we tried compassion? What if we tried to see things from other’s point of view?

I've written about this several times on the Jesus blog as I'm calling it. I could write about love every day for the rest of my life and I could write something different about it every time. Most important thing to note or write, though, is that God is love. That's the truth. Not some cheesy, hackneyed phrase, either. You can take that to the bank.

Gender Reassingment and Parental Rights

What would you say is a parent's worst nightmare?  Probably having to bury their child, whether the child is grown or passed away in utero.  It's a devastating prospect, no?  I can think of something almost as horrific; losing the right to be involved in life changing decisions made by said child.   

Think of it.  You're a good parent by your own estimation, and I think a lot of us are.  You don't starve your kids, you make sure they have clean clothes and hot food on the table.  You also offer a stable routine and emotional support when it's needed.  You don't beat them or deprive them of the essentials, so, yeah; good.

So imagine your surprise when you find out that your child is planning, or in some cases, has already gone through gender reassignment surgery.  Without your consent or knowledge.  It's happening, people.  School counselors and officials will often encourage the child's so called gender dysphoria and if that wasn't bad enough, they refuse to tell the parents about their child's desire to now be referred to by the opposite gender pronoun to which they were assigned at birth.  Say what?!?

I have been a parental rights advocate for some time now, and I get a filtered report of all things parental rights; those that happen in the United States and those abroad.  Sadly, America is not the bastion of freedom it once was and the comparison of what happens in other countries is not too different to what happens to parents here on our own turf.  So, today when I opened my notifications, I saw an article that caught my eye, "Gender transitions for kids easier than tonsillectomies: What about parental rights?"

In the article it describes several cases just as the one(s) I cited above.  Some of the schools got their directives from none other than the Obama administration via a letter which encouraged school districts to affirm transgender students.  However, the Obama administration wasn't and isn't the only force behind those affirmations.  The LGBT Human Rights campaign and their activists teamed up with the National Education Agency to step in and provide guidelines for those students who showed signs of gender dysphoria.  All without involving the parents.

The article also mentions that sometimes children make claims like this is because sometimes they feel pressured to do so; maybe because lots of friends did and they want to be part of the trend.  Life changing decisions are being made on a whim.  Yikes.

Obviously, this is a huge intrusion into our rights as parents.  How do we prevent things like this from happening?  I'd like to think that it starts with us, the parent.  Be involved in your child's school if you can.  Talk to counselors and administrators to show them you're an involved parent.  And above all else, pray for your child.  We can all agree that we need us some Jesus now and always.

There Is Power in Surrender

 What do these three photos have in common? Arms extended, maybe eyes closed.  To me, these pictures depict a form of surrender.  That feeling that comes when you lay down your worries or problems at the feet of God.  Surrender is a wonderful place to be.  That means that your trust in the Lord is in full effect and nothing anyone says to you or does to you can hurt you.  Surrender is not a lack of care, don't misunderstand. 





The word surrender as defined by Merriam Webster is this: the action of

yielding one's person or giving up the possession of something especially into the power of another.  Hopefully, for you, that power is Jesus.  There is a scripture verse that has become one of my favorites and I think it describes how wonderfully blessed we are as Christians to be able to have such an amazing relationship with the one true God.  It's found in Hebrews 4:14-16 and it says,

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

This one scripture verse sums up the relationship between God and man.  Because God sent his only son wrapped in flesh, he is able to sympathize with our weaknesses.  I also love the fact that it reminds us that Jesus was tempted in every way, BUT WAS WITHOUT SIN.  You could use these words as something to solidify your faith in Jesus, knowing how concrete and steadfast He is; how perfect He is.  I know I do.  

One other thing that brings me peace is when it says. "let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence..."  because it reminds me that God is on my side.  I hope that this has helped remind you of the power of surrender, even though it's actually a very vulnerable place to be, too.  Wrapped in the arms of a loving Savior, surrender is strength.  Put your faith and trust in Jesus, my friend.  You can't go wrong.

Consider It Pure Joy

The eyes of a child on Christmas morning as they gaze on the loot under their tree.  A newborn baby, swaddled in a blanket while sleeping peacefully.  A new bride as she gazes into her new husband's face while they share their first dance.  What do these things have in common?  All of them could be considered pure joy.

If you notice the title, the Bible verse referenced here has something different in mind.  This scripture is found in the book of James1:2-4 and it tells us that we should, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Doesn't exactly give you the warm fuzzies, does it?  Nobody said that being obedient to God was easy, but that's what we're called to do.  Facing trials is part of life, and just when it seems you have climbed out of one valley, you descend into another one.  That's when the testing comes, my friends.  That's why it's called a 'sacrifice of praise', because it DOES take effort to praise the Lord when you're not feeling quite like doing so.

The good news is that we serve a loving and merciful God who, "...does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities." Psalm 103:10  So, whatever trial you may be facing today, remember that, "Because of  the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  While you're at it, consider it pure joy.

No, Illinois, Abortion is Not Healthcare

Abortion is not healthcare.  Say it with me, abortion is not healthcare.  Abortion will never be healthcare.  Ever.

It should not come as a surprise to you, though, that the Illinois state legislature would disagree on that point, as it has passed The Reproductive Health Act.  This law, provides greater access to pregnancy care, contraception, abortion procedures and other related benefits for all people and all genders.

Democratic lawmakers aren't satisfied, and they won't be until their efforts to repeal the Illinois Parental Notification of Abortion Act that was signed into law in 1995.  This particular law requires that when a girl under the age of 18 desires an abortion that her guardian(s) be notified two days before the procedure takes place.

The issue of abortion as healthcare is a moral issue because as Christians, we are called by the Bible to choose life.  The most basic of commands is in fact the sixth commandment, "Thou shalt not kill."   If you look in the book of Deuteronomy, you'll find another life affirming quote, "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now, choose life, so that you and your children may live."-Deuteronomy 30:19  Yet another scripture that we're all too familiar with is the one about being knit together in your mother's womb, Psalm 139:"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb."   All of these scriptures point to a God who is life affirming, and he calls those who follow him to be like Him.

The issue of abortion as healthcare in the context of this law is also a parental rights issue.  This law, as it is written would violate parental rights of the parents of these teens in crisis.  Parental rights are not something to be toyed with.  So many times in recent history they've been undermined by various circuit courts and CPS case workers and the like.  Fortunately, there is a group focused on protecting parental rights called, you guessed it, Parental Rights.org.  Their mission is to protect parental rights through an amendment to the United States Constitution.  They also believe that parental rights are fundamental.  From their website,  

"Parents play an irreplaceable role in the lives of their children. This vital relationship positively impacts a child's physical, mental, and emotional well-being. The right of parents to maintain a strong involvement in their children's lives has been continually upheld by Supreme Court doctrine. It is deeply valued by millions of American families" 

The issue of abortion as healthcare is also a fiscal issue in the eyes of the secretary of  Health and Human Services, Alex Azar.  He made a statement recently in regards to the Trump administration's effort to prevent groups receiving federal funds, under the Title X from using funds to 'perform, promote, refer to, or support abortion as a method of family planning.'   "Congress has said that you cannot support abortion as a method of family planning.  We're just finally enforcing it."  

So, you see, as so many other legislative efforts that have been put forth by so many other state houses and even Congress, this law will most assuredly end up in the court system to be determined by a judge.  However, we as citizens and Christians must remain vigilant and remember, "The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."  And all of God's children say, "Amen!"

Welcome To Y'all Need You Some Jesus!

You know it's true.  Y'all DO need you some Jesus.  Well, honey, so do I.  Let me start by introducing  myself.  As you may have seen on my blogger profile, my name is Kelly Horsley.  I am a Christian, a wife, a mother and a blogger of sorts. 

A good friend of mine told me that I should write about my faith specifically, and I agree.  I enjoy the writing process and encouraging others to pursue God, so why not put the two together?  Thus, the Y'all Need You Some Jesus blog was born.  Not born again, mind you, just born.

Here on Y'all Need You Some Jesus, I am attempting to bring you a little bit of everything; a little of my faith, a little of my family, a little of my humor and a smattering of political and religious cartoons every now and then.  I promise not to get too preachy, but if I feel it's laid on my heart, then you'll hear about it!

I do have one thing to share with you before I conclude this first blog post on my new blog, though.  I have a devotion that I read almost daily.  It's called Jesus Calling, and y'all need you some of this book, too.  It's so amazing how the Holy Spirit speaks to the reader through these daily readings.  All of them feel tailored to YOUR day and YOUR needs.  I'll share a snippet of the one from today:

"How precious are my children who are awed by nature's beauty; this opens them up to my Holy Presence.  Even before you knew Me personally, you responded to my creation with wonder.  This is a gift, and it carries responsibilities with it.  Declare my glorious Being to the world.  The whole earth is full of my radiant beauty-My Glory!"

  
I'm so excited to embark on this new blogging journey!  Join me, won't you?